A man’s personal journey of acceptance, medical management, and the ongoing struggle with societal perceptions
SINGAPORE: Ben (not his real name), a 40-year-old man, has lived with HIV since July 2018, when he received a diagnosis that turned his world upside down. What began as a routine check-up soon became a life-altering moment. The shock of being told that he was HIV-positive stirred memories of an old friend who had passed away from AIDS decades ago, heightening his fears.
Despite advancements in medical treatment that have transformed HIV from a fatal disease to a manageable chronic condition, Ben’s mind remained clouded by the past. “Having known someone who had passed away from it back in the 90s, you tend to go back to that space rather than say, ‘Oh, okay, this is something that is highly treatable’,” he explains.
At first, Ben struggled to accept that he was one of the many people who would need treatment, thinking, “You constantly think that it will never touch you.”
Opening Up: The First Steps Toward Acceptance
It took Ben a full day to open up to anyone about his diagnosis, but he was able to lean on a close friend who was already living with HIV. This friend became his initial source of support and guidance. One of the first pieces of advice he received was to seek medical attention immediately.
Ben’s situation was made easier by Singapore’s anonymous HIV testing system, which ensures that personal details are not recorded, allowing him to keep his diagnosis within a trusted circle. Thankfully, the people Ben confided in did not react negatively, but the emotional burden of living with HIV was not easy to shake.
The most important lesson Ben learned during the early stages was the internal shame that often accompanies an HIV diagnosis. As someone who was known for being optimistic and seemingly carefree, Ben had to cope with both the medical news and the emotional challenges of starting treatment.
The Initial Struggles: Coping with Medication and Emotional Turmoil
For Ben, the early months on HIV medication were a time of great uncertainty. The physical side effects were minor, but he still worried about what the medication was doing to his body. The initial adjustment period lasted several months before a change in medication helped stabilize his condition.
In the years since, Ben has learned to appreciate his fortunate situation. With the help of his medical team and support network, he has been able to manage his HIV effectively. Regular visits to the National Centre for Infectious Diseases (NCID) for blood tests and check-ups have helped him maintain a steady routine. Today, his viral load is so low that it is undetectable and non-transmissible, allowing him to lead a healthy and balanced life.
The Struggle with Stigma: “Being in the Space of Half-Truths”
While Ben is physically healthy, he still grapples with the societal stigma surrounding HIV. He describes the emotional challenge of “being in the space of half-truths,” where he constantly questions whether or not he should disclose his status to others.
For example, when paying for his medication through MediSave, he knows that his insurance providers are aware of his MediSave balance but is not ready to reveal the true reason behind the charges. Similarly, when a taxi driver asked why he was going to NCID, Ben chose not to share the full truth, instead saying it was for work-related reasons.
“I can’t be sure if people around me understand the science enough to not keep me at a distance,” says Ben. This fear of being misunderstood or rejected still lingers, even though HIV is not transmitted through casual contact.
The Missing Piece: A Call for Greater Public Awareness
While Ben feels fortunate in many ways, he acknowledges that the “missing piece” in his journey is widespread public understanding of HIV. The stigma that still surrounds the disease is often rooted in misinformation and fear. In an effort to combat this, the National HIV Programme launched the #HIVPOSITIVITY campaign in advance of World AIDS Day 2021, aiming to educate the public and eliminate the misconceptions about HIV.
Ben hopes that as public awareness grows, so too will the acceptance and support for those living with HIV. For him, the missing piece lies in creating a society where people with HIV can live freely without fear of judgment or discrimination.
